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New Year


Hello Everyone! A very belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I hope your 2012’s all started with a bang.

(Very good. Short, snappy, and festive. Maybe everyone will just casually ignore that you’ve been gone for a month and not ask any suspicious questions requiring uncomfortable explanations…)

I’m writing this on the way back to New York from Singapore. I’m currently on the second leg of my journey from Frankfurt to JFK, and spent most of the first leg eating plane food out of a box, (those close to me will tell you that I receive strange joy from consuming box-sourced food) watching movies and trying to replicate sleep. This seemed like a lost cause, until the two people sitting next to me magically disappeared for the Frankfurt leg of the journey, giving me two extra seats!! YAY! And now that I HAVE those seats, I choose to take out my laptop and write a post, rather than catch up on much needed lost sleep…logic.

Even though I did say I was going to avoid the uncomfortable explanation, I do feel like somewhat of an explanation is due. Nae, not so much an explanation. More of an homage. I feel like trying to skim over my New Year and act like the last month didn’t happen doesn’t pay tribute to what did. It’s not a long, or even very shocking story, but it did happen.

On December 26th, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. On January 31st she died.

Needless to say, she was a wonderful woman, loved by her children and grandchildren. The rock of our family. Without her we all felt a little…vacant. Funeral arrangements are never fun, and entertaining depressing (although well meaning) relatives is extremely exhausting. I’ve been thinking over for a while how to pay an adequate tribute to my grandmother, and I couldn’t think of how. Until my mother wrote her the most beautiful eulogy which she asked me to read at the funeral. Although they were her words and I was merely a messenger, I felt like they could have come from my mouth. My heart. Because my mother is my heart, and without my grandmother, where would either of us be?

So, I thought the best way to remember her would be to share Cleribel’s eulogy with you. I’m sorry if this post isn’t funny, or entertaining, but it is honest.

We would like to thank you all for being here with us today, dear relatives, dear friends, and everyone who offered words of comfort and support. Thank you for supporting Amama through her many years as a widow, your visits, phone calls, your prayers, the many songs, your fellowship and love. Thank you for your unwavering kindness throughout her illness, your laughter and goodwill that carried her to good health. Without you, she would not have been for us the happy and loving Amama we adored.

Thank you to Amama’s daughters-in-law, Mary, Amy and Carol, who have loved and cared for her over the years. You have shared your lives with Amama in a way she enjoyed and treasured – all the fun we had celebrating our birthdays, Easters and Christmases – we will always remember our happy days together, and continue to cut the biggest piece of cake for Amama. You have devoted the last few days to organizing her final journey today, as a tribute to her life. Thank you for loving Amama the way you do.

Amama was a talented lady. She was our celebrity drama queen. It is hard to picture a mother of four children, in the 1960’s, in the primary forest of Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, as a stage star, but she was. She and her dearly departed husband Thobias were the stalwarts of a fledgling drama scene in Singapore – our own Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton – or at least that is what Amama told us to say. Hours of rehearsals, late nights, fast cars with sleeping children in their laps – they lived their lives to the full, and ours pale by comparison.

Everyone who has sat at her table will know that she could cook better than any TV chef. She could turn a feast on a dime, fed many for very little, and asked for nothing more than a return visit. We will never recreate her curry powder or her avial, her sambar, or her karuvadu podee, but we will keep trying. And yes, feel free to laugh at my accent.

Amama’s sartorial elegance was her one indulgence. Who can forget the matching hairclips, sarees, handbags and sandals? As Mayma aunty said yesterday: “We walked in style.” Amama reserved the right to put her stamp of approval on how her family were turned out from day to day – whether for the hawker centre or work or church. She was happiest in her Sunday best with her family in tow, letting the world know that she had arrived. And we follow in her fashionable footsteps.

More than anything, we remember Amama for her sparkling wit. Never a dull moment. She could find the funny in any situation, a talent that kept us from the edge of dysfunction and frequently propelled us where we never thought to go. And where we often went without fear, because Amama was always laughingly near.

Our Amama may be gone, but we will remember her bright and vibrant soul. Her spirit was indomitable. Through all her hardships, cheerfulness kept breaking through, thanks to her unfaltering faith in our loving God. May she continue to shine her light and laughter on our lives.

We ask all of you here today not to mourn the loss of Amama but to join with us in celebrating the life of a remarkable and wonderful woman, whose priorities in life were our God, her family and her friends.

Rest In Peace, Our Lovely Amama.

Thank you, from the family – Anthony, Anna, Augustine and Martin, spouses and grandchildren.


My dearest Amama. Forever my drama queen


MERRY CHRISTMAS FRIENDS! I hope you all had a restful and joyous holiday.

I have wonderful news!!!! The wonderful LimeBirdBeth has nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award!!!! Thank you so so much, and I’m so honoured that such a talented writer would think of me as having any kind of talent. What a welcome Christmas gift. So, here’s my ode to the Versatile Blogger Award! Here we go!

Alright everyone, here are the rules to this here shindig:

1)   Thank the award-giver and link back to their blog. Thanks LimeBirdBeth!!! You’re a star!

2)   Share 7 things about yourself- they are listed below.

3)   Pass this award along to 10 blogs that you enjoy reading. My favourite!!

4)   Contact your chosen bloggers and let them know you have nominated them. Sweet as!

Right, 7 things about myself.

1)   I am horrendously afraid of roller coasters.

Now I’m not a scaredy cat, or afraid of heights. Actually quite the contrary, I’m quite an adrenaline junkie and will try anything once, and am quite the outdoor sports/adventure addict. But something about roller coasters just rubs me up the wrong way. The idea of harnessing myself into a contraption that promises almost CERTAIN death along with nauseating, hysterical anxiety just doesn’t sound like a good time to me. And the idea of PAYING for such an experience? No thanks.

2)   I have two tattoos

That doesn’t sound like a terribly interesting fact, but it’s something you wouldn’t know about me unless I told you. They’re both on my right ribcage and span pretty much the whole area. One is of two lilies and the other says “We’re all laughing with God” as per the Regina Spektor song. So…there you go.

3)   I am a twin

Not identical, however. I have a fraternal twin brother named Chris, and he’s infinitely more talented than me and infinitely more irritating. We are extremely close and I don’t know what I’d do without him, but we also could not seem like two more different people. He’s very much a homebird, who would not be caught dead out in say, a club, or a gym, or anywhere remotely fun. Whereas I am definitely more the attention deficit of the two of us, unable to focus on anything for more than an hour, and I need to blow off some steam EVERYDAY or I go a bit stir crazy. Quite literally, the only reason I go to the gym/swim/exercise at all is because if I don’t, I’ll probably chew off my own arm, or probably worse. I don’t really want to find out what the “worse” entails…

4)   I’m a pole dancer.

Not in a ‘strip-for-money-to-pay-for-my-education’ kind of way but more in the ‘third-wave-feminism-pro-female-strength-and-sexuality’ vein of thinking. I’ve been taking classes at a wonderful studio in Manhattan for about 6 months now, and have been interested in the sport for over a year, and recommend any woman (or man) try it at least once! It’s a very liberating experience. I actually wrote my final performance studies paper on pole dancing this year, and will probably post it up on the blog soon if you guys would be interested in reading it (probably not, but let me know if something of that nature would interest you!)

5)   I have bright red hair

It is what it is.

6)   I really want to be “somebody”

Hopefully not in a cringe-worthy I love myself way, but I do really want to leave my mark on the world. That probably explains my tendencies towards outlets like acting, dancing and writing. I love learning about new things, and being inspired by other people. I’m constantly searching for ways to connect with people, and new ways to explore the world, whether artistically or geographically. I always feel so small in such a big, interesting, gargantuan planet. There are so many people on this earth that have inspired me, who I hold very close to my heart, and they don’t even know it… and if someone on this planet, even in the smallest way, thinks that I’m ‘somebody’ to them, that’s enough for me.

7)   I enjoy the little things.

Even though my parents will probably tell you otherwise (and they’re probably right) I do try my very best not to take anything for granted. I have been blessed in my life with very little hardship and many creature comforts, very much thanks to the sacrifice and hard work of my folks. But I’ve also been privy to the other side of life, and have had the privilege to travel the world and see how the other side lives. I do try to enjoy the little things, and I can say that I am genuinely happy everyday of my life. Maybe not all day everyday, but everyday.

RIGHT!! Now time to get to the fun part. NOMINATIONS!!!!

Alternative Eating: Full of easy, delicious and healthy recipes that get me through the day! I’ve always been a food lover, and this blog gets me excited to cook!

The Unknowledge Tree: Just hilarious. No other word for it.

Futuristically Yours: An inspirational blog that inspires people to reflect on the future, past and present. Keep up the good work, guys!

Robot Rhetoric: Definitely one of the most entertaining new blogs out there, and I’m sure he’s been nominated for this award already, but nonetheless, you deserve it!

The Panda Chronicles: Always brightens up my day checking this blog. Thank you!

Regected Riter: Funny, funny, funny. That is all.

Ignorant: Some thought-provoking and inspired fiction. Always pushing me to be more creative.

Peach Farm Studios: Always posting diverse content. I am always drawn to work that forces me to try harder. Thanks, guys!

Abominations: Five failed Barbie concepts is a new favourite of mine.

Deidra Alexander: You familial anecdotes make me excited to be an aunt. Thanks!

So, there you have it guys. Thank you so much again, to everyone who has continued to support me through my ups, my downs, my hiatuses, and my returns. Throughout all of this, coming back to this place, this wonderful place on the internet, and knowing that there are like-minded individuals creating innovative and interesting content for no other reason than their passion inspires me to work harder and do more. It’s you guys that help me do this, so thank you. I hope you all had a wonderful and blessed Christmas. More posts to come!

Toodles!


Good morning, friends!

Another Monday, another week. I cannot WAIT to get this week over with. I’ve got all my finals due  this Thursday, and Lord knows I cannot wait to wash my hands of work and get my hands on some tequila shots. Christmas break couldn’t come any sooner.

Aside from the obvious perks of Christmas break, (those being spending the holidays with my family, the giving and receiving of gifts and the partaking in various religious obligations surrounding this time of year) I’m not gonna lie- I want to go home and party my balls off. It’s 18 days until New Year’s Eve, and I’m already planning the lead up, climax and afterparty of my countdown. I’ve already told everyone in my family that I don’t want any gifts, I just want money. Money so I can properly budget and finance the serious amount of fun-timez I will be having.

Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not some alcohol-fuelled, fist pumping Jersey girl.  I know I’m brown, but when we (speaking for my people) don a pair of heels it doesn’t necessarily mean we transform into Snooki-type-life-fails. I like to believe that I have quite a good handle on the whole work-life balance. Example: For past week, I have locked myself in my apartment, doing nothing but work on my final papers and cry myself to sleep, all the while being strung out on caffeine. To balance that off, I will party like baws for 4 weeks until I reach a point of delirium. That’s balance. That’s healthy…right?

SEGUE!

Now, someone who I think needs to evaluate the work-play balance, and probably their life goals in general, is this lovely lady, who didn’t get the memo that your face is a no-doodle zone.

 

Through all of this, the one thing I can't help but ask- WHERE ARE HER EYEBROWS?

 

Anyone who has a vaguely functional internet connection has probably seen this image by now, and looking at it it fills me with both joy and dread – dread because it makes me fear the future of the human race, and joy because the interwebs wouldn’t be anywhere near as fun without pictures like this. Only after I read the story did I learn who “Drake” even is (some poncy rapper from Toronto), and I…. I mean, what is there to say about this tattoo? Is it a statement? A mark of pure adoration? A result of a crack induced bender?*** I don’t know, although I know which option I’m leaning towards…

 

In a situation like this, the question of whether it should have been allowed is brought to the table- should the artist have agreed to put his name to such a monstrosity? I’m not going to labour on this, I just want to say that if she’s willing to pay money to have someone permanently ruin ANY chance of her having a legitimate future in any/all career life professional paths, she deserves it. The person I feel the worst for, actually, is the artist! And I think he would agree.

In an interview with www.vice.com, Kevin Campbell, artist at LA shop Will Rise, states that he fears for his career when having his name attached to this…statement(?)

“I lost a little sleep over it that first night, wondering if I wanted to be known as the asshole who tattooed “DRAKE” on some crackhead’s forehead… I was a little surprised that this…took off like it did…. I don’t really want to paint the shop in a bad light, but it is what it is. In the end, she paid me to do this to her, which really means she did this to herself…. I could have turned her away, and I’m already getting a ton of flack from other tattooers for this, but the way I see it, if she’s got her little heart set on getting her forehead tattooed then she’ll just keep on trying until somebody finally goes through with it. I think that getting a color portrait of the Joker from Batman is a dumb idea, but who the fuck am I to judge?… who am I to judge the validity of [people] getting what they get and where they get it?  If I tattoo a huge “BK” on a Crip or tattoo “DRAKE” on some R&B-crazed girl’s face, what’s the difference? Who am I to say which one is wrong and which is right?”

At least this guy has enough self-respect to acknowledge that she was a moron. I think, I admire him. It takes a lot of guts to recognize that someone’s request is completely absurd, and subsequent bravery to decide that they deserve the stupidity  they set themselves up for.

So this week, I slow clap it out for Kevin Campbell- the BAMF that gave Crack-head-Eyebrowless-Drake-Lover what she deserves: an idiot-stamp on her forehead.

To read the full story, visit www.vice.com. I’d love to see what you guys think of this- Should stupidity like this be condoned? Whaddya think? I’m really looking forward to the comments for this one.

 

Toodles!

 

***ROCK DJ by Robbie Williams just came on the radio. EPIC NOSTALGIA! Fucking ridiculous tattoos?! Awesome music?! This is quickly becoming the best day ever.


 

I realize that this post is coming rather late for a Friday, considering that I started writing it at 11.57pm, but I’ve been sick, and writing essays all day, and then got drunk, so I may or may not have been side-tracked. But…while sipping on my 4th glass of Pinot Grigio, I had a fantabulous idea.

I have decided, Dear Friends, that my Friday posts shall be drunk posts. There are two reasons behind this, and I shall list them for you below. However, it would be a rather short list, considering that there are only two aforementioned reasons, but I shall press on.

The first reason behind my newly dubbed Drunk Friday is the obvious comedic value that I think something like this can hold. Although right now I am trying to put myself in ‘explanatory mode’, I am vaguely inebriated, and I feel like something funny could come of this, especially towards the end of the week.

Also, I feel like something like this holds a certain functional value to it as well. Because I tend to spend most of my Friday evenings drunk, alone, in my apartment anyway, (because I have no social life to speak of) I feel like trying to make something constructive of it could be good- also encouraging drinking on the weekend is never a bad thing in my books.

So….yes. Friday posts are now a drunken event. I recommend that in order to get the full experience from these posts my readers get drunk as well. Because if we’re all drunk, it’s like we’re sharing something together. It also makes me feel less like a sad, unsociable loner with no social life, who has nothing better to do than sit alone and get drunk in her pyjamas eating left over chicken curry. (She said as she cried tragically into her keyboard).

So friends, I invite you to join the party. T.G.I.D.F!! Thank God it’s Drunk Friday!!! Also, a quick question for the comments, what do you guys do when you’re drunk? Are you a drunk dialer? A crier? A throw-up-out-of-a-taxi-window-er? Let me know! I have a feeling everyone’s got some good stories to share.

 

Toodles!

A quick thank you!


Hello all! This is not one of my regular posts, but I just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who has given such positive feedback over the past few days. Over this week, I’ve been getting lots of great comments, and new followers, and although I may not be one of the most read blogs out there, I want you all to know that the support is very much appreciated. It gives me so much confidence in my writing, and puts the pressure on to create content that you all enjoy reading. So, thank you everyone, for keeping my dream alive.

 

Also, I want to give an extra special thank you to Harnew from http://futuristicallyyours.com/ for adding me to his blogroll. I’m not entirely sure if it’s appropriate to thank a fellow blogger publically (I haven’t quite got a handle on all the interwebs politics yet, but I’m muddling through) but the support that it gives me is incalculable. You guys should all check out this site. It’s a wonderful forum full of very talented writers, and I think you’ll end up adding it to your list of go-to blogs (much like I did).

 

So, not to labour on the point, but thanks again, everyone. I hate putting emoticons in posts, but…. :)

 

Toodles!


Well hello there. How do you do?

I didn’t plan on writing my blog this early. I actually planned on being in a pole dancing class right now, and I was going to write my blog when I got home tonight. But unfortunately, my pole dancing class was cancelled, so my scantily clad, inner sex-pot will have to wait till tomorrow. As if that wasn’t enough, I’m trying to eat a yummy chicken sammidge, but I have the hiccoughs. It’s like my body is trying to save me from a calorie ridden, cheesy, chickeny death. Sorry, Body, the urge for noms will always prevail.

Anyway, today I want to talk about technology, namely social media, and how it affects communication. I think its fair to say, that everyone reading this blog has some kind of profile on a social media platform. Even as I write this, I have my Facebook, Twitter and Gchat open in the background, and I’m listening to a radio-show (linked to me by my friend on Facebook) on my iTunes player. And all of the above are also available on my oh-so-smartphone. If all that’s not a palaver and a half, I don’t know what is.

With all these innovations in technology, it’s a wonder that we’re not able to sit on our laptops and ride them to the moon. Surely the next step in communications will be simply to climb into the screen and teleport to our Skypee’s location. In theory, we don’t even NEED friends anymore- if you’ve got Siri on your iPhone you can just talk to your screen ALL day! With all these new channels of chit-chat, you’d think that we’d all be eloquent, articulate and effective speakers by this point, right?

Wrong. So. Wrong.

You might be saying, “Where, Clare? Where can I find these deliciously dire interpretations of the English language?” Well, look no further than your Facebook livefeed. Facebook statuses are the enemy of coherence, and on top of that, just competent brain functions in general. From Facebook statuses alone, you can separate the douchebags from the decent people pretty quickly. Facebook statuses have become so laughable that there is an entire blog devoted to the appalling drivel that people WILLINGLY, of their OWN volition, publicize about themselves (link below).

Now, I know that some people will get kind of upset by this post, namely some of my facebook friends who feel like I’m just being a dick to try and establish some kind of higher ground. But I assure you, this is not me being pedantic for the sake of being pedantic. This is me defending language as a person who uses letters to create art, news, humour and, of course, to communicate. It always hurts my soul a little bit when I see someone spell “sucks” “sux” or “cool” “c00l”. I feel like people like that are taking a dump on every book they’ve ever read, and it always makes the writer in me cry a little bit.

Now, I find that the main perpetrators of these crimes against literati are in one of two categories:

1) Kids who are still in middle school

2) Middle aged parents trying too hard.

To you impressionable youths who are a part of the first category, all I can say is, you will grow out of it. Once you realize that it is not c00l to look like you’re having an ep!l3ptic f1t at y0ur k3ybo@rd, you will join the collective of people with a brain.

To people in the latter category, the only appropriate thing I can do is metaphorically uppercut you in the brain. Because, this kind of stupidity is not borne of ignorance, nor from lack of knowledge. Because, clearly, to get this far in life, to find someone willing to procreate with you, you must have a pretty firm grasp of the English language. Therefore, the only conclusion I can come to is that you actively choose to express yourself like a prepubescent airhead, telling us all about where your “super kyute dog ^_^ <3” is sh*tting. To you people, I say grow some self respect and act your age. We understand that you’re having a mid-life crisis, and are trying to reclaim some aspect of your lost youth by portraying yourself as some tragic teenager crying out for attention. But, just so you know, that’s exactly what you look like- tragic. And if you want to turn your mid-life crisis into a public forum, please, save us all from having to read it online. Instead, come and find me in New York, and I’ll get you a big plastic box, take you to a park, and you can stand on your box and shout every passing thought that comes through your head at New Yorkers, because they are pretty used to ignoring pointless bullsh*t, so you’ll fit in very well.

If you find this post funny and/or true, share your thoughts. If you don’t, and are instead offended by my comments, you probably are a perpetrator yourself, and should save us all the pain of reading your comments, unless you have a dictionary by your side.

With that, I leave you. Toodles!

 

http://failbook.failbook.org

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